How can two walk together unless they agree? The truth is, that many marriages get ruined because of misunderstandings. Misunderstandings are brought about by a lack of agreement on how to handle the issues that affect each marriage. Failing to agree will lead to the husband and wife interpreting things differently leading to feelings of hurt, insensitivity, rejection, intolerance and indifference.
Agree with your spouse on the do's and don'ts. Have these rules.
1. SEX RULES
Agree that you can have sex in whichever way and position, but also agree on what you will not try out. For example; no anal sex, no masturbation when you have each other, no pornography use, no inflicting pain or no making love when she is on monthly periods and if he is horny then, how will she pleasure him? Each couple is different. Agree on what are the limits.
2. PHONE RULES
Agree on how to handle the phone. For example, no chatting with others past 11pm for that is an intimate time, no secrecy, no need to walk away when someone calls, inform your spouse about who has called.
3. MONEY RULES
Agree on how to use money. Will you have a joint bank account? What percentage can each use without the requirement of notifying the other? Who pays for what bills? Saving. Investing. No giving money to in-laws without joint consent.
4. COMING HOME RULES
What should you do in case you're coming home late? Make a phone call? How late is too late to come home? Your spouse doesn't mind you coming home late as long as it is agreed. Marriage is not about selfish you but you two as partners.
5. SOCIAL RULES
Agree you will make an effort to introduce each other to your friends. Agree on how close friends of the opposite gender can get. Agree on which friends to keep. Agree on how often friends can visit. Your home shouldn't be invaded by friends. There needs to be boundaries.
6. INFORMATION RULES
Agree to notify each other where you are, even if with just a simple text. Agree on the need to tell each other your individual schedule for the day. Keep your spouse in the know.
7. TEMPER RULES
Agree on what to do when you both get mad at each other. Do you give yourself space? Withdraw for some minutes? Do you deal with the issue quickly? No going to sleep mad at each other. Conflict resolution.
8. CHORE RULES
Agree on who does what in the house. This will prevent any of you from feeling like they are doing too much.
9. SOCIAL MEDIA RULES
Agree on the dos and don'ts of social media. For example, no being Facebook friends with your ex, no commenting suggestively on other people's posts, no indecent behaviour, no airing domestic issues on social media.
10. WORK RULES
Agree on limits of work. For example, no coming home with work, what to do when your careers conflict? What to do when you have different working hours? When to take leave or off days?
11. PARENTHOOD RULES
Agree on how to discipline the children, who does what, who goes for Parents' days in school, do you take turns? What kind of food will the children eat?
12. INDIVIDUAL SPACE RULES
Agree that sometimes each of you will want some alone time, to work or to meditate or just relax. Agree on how to notify your spouse when you want a few minutes to yourself. Your spouse will give you room if you need it.
Agreeing on these key issues brings about order, peace and unity; both of you will know how to navigate and behave.
If your marriage is chaotic because of lack of order. It's not too late to have a conversation leading to an agreement on these issues.
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